The Best Pick-Up Line You Will Ever Hear

The best line I have ever heard in my entire life is so good, so awesome, so ridiculously ridiculous, that you will have to quote it at some point in your life just because you heard it this one time. Are you ready? Brace yourself, its.....

No! I can't tell you yet. It's too good. I need to build up to it first. Because you need the story to fully appreciate it. Or perhaps you don't, I just need more time before I give you the best pick-up line of your life. I'm not gonna give it up that easily. I ain't no whore. You gotta work for it.

It happened my senior year of college, when Claire and I were visiting Julie at her apartment in Portland. We had been out dancing with Julie's roommate and her friends. We came back to Julie's apartment before everyone else because we were exhausted and her roommates friends party HARD. Julie went straight to her room and passed out, while Claire and I were sharing the futon in her living room. I was JUST about asleep when they all came loudly stumbling back into the apartment. There were four of them. Julie's roommate and her boyfriend went instantly into her room. I know this not because I saw it (my head was covered by blankets), but because two doors slammed (front door, bedroom door) and could practically hear them ripping off their clothes.

The last two decided to stand in the kitchen and have a nice little conversation. The kitchen was about 15 feet from where I was sleeping, and if I had see-through-blanket vision, I would have seen them standing there, leaning against the counter, chatting away. I was trying not to listen but suddenly I couldn't help it, as the game began. The game of trying-to-get-a-girl-into-your-bed.

"I don't know..." She said, sounding coy.
"Why not? I don't live very far from here, just like 15 blocks."
"I don't know..." She said again. I think she probably mixed up the I-don't-know's with other phrases that mean the same thing, but I can't remember them.
"You are just so beautiful and I just want to kiss you."
"I don't know..."
"My apartment is just like 10 blocks from here. It's really close."
 "I don't know..."
" I just had such a great time tonight with you, it would be fun."
"I don't know..."

This went on for what seemed like an HOUR. This guy was really trying his best to get some action. Suddenly there was a break in the game plan when Julie's roommate started making loud sex noises. The two in the kitchen paused...
"...She's totally faking it." Coy Bitch said.
"I know, it's ridiculous. There's no way he's that good." Dumbass said.

Then it continued.
"Are you sure? My place is about 7 blocks from here."
"I don't know..."

And then he said it. HE SAID IT. Are you ready?! BRACE YOURSELF FOR SOME HARDCORE PICKUP LINE DANCING! Here it goes:

"I can't be chastised for what I'm thinking in my head. And what I'm thinking is: You. Me. Rolling around in my bed. Naked."

AHHHHH!!!! I had to bite the inside of my cheek to stop from laughing out loud, I was dangerously close to giving away my position of being awake and fully aware of what was going on. All I could think was, OH MY GOD. Claire BETTER be awake because there is NO WAY I could ever describe this to her! CONTROL YOURSELF, no laughing! CLAIRE HAS TO BE AWAKE. THAT WAS SO AWESOME.

I'm pretty sure she never actually stated that she wanted to leave and go have some drunken sex at his place, but they finally left soon after this comment and I ripped the blanket off of me.

"CLAIRE?!" I whispered loudly. "ARE YOU AWAKE?!"

Claire sat up and stared at me. "YES!! Can you believe that?!" We lapsed into uncontrollable laughter for about 10 minutes, or at least until we heard them coming back in the apartment. We quickly pretended to be asleep but I think they had a suspicion that we were awake now, because I could feel their suspicions stares as they went into Julie's roommates room where apparently the sex had stopped and the loud party had began.

And there. That is the best pick-up line I have ever heard in my life. He can't be chastised! Not for what he's thinking in his head! You. Me. Rolling around in my bed. Naked.

If you ever dare to use this line, and it actually ends up working out for you, you will be my hero.