Dietary Options

Yesica is so going to kill me for this but I'm going to write about it anyways. Well firstly, I don't like cooking. I feel it is a freaking waste of time to spend more than 30 minutes on a meal when it is literally gone in less than 10 minutes. For 10 minutes of taste we spend hours on the food? No way. There are so many other things I could be doing with that time, like working out, or writing, or drinking. So the fact that my basic meals consist of salad, burritos, and rice bowls should not be at all surprising. Also, I like to think I can make myself follow the rule that it doesn't really matter what a meal tastes like as long as it's healthy, because what sits on your tongue for so little time actually nourishes (or destroys) your body for hours afterwards. That is what I tell myself when I would rather have that amazing looking hamburger, but instead look down defeatedly at my salad and half sandwich. It's sad, but it makes creating meals rather easy for me. And also, afterwards I think, thank GOD I didn't eat that hamburger, I feel so healthy and my self-control has been proven once again!

However, when I go out and let someone ELSE cook for me, it is REEEALLY hard to stick to that damned rule. Because instead of messing around in a kitchen, I can sit back and enjoy a nice beverage and have a chat with whoever is out with me. I don't mind waiting a long time if I have good company and a Mirror Pond to sip on in the meantime. So I forget about the rule, and end up in the exact position I was in last night.

Claire had texted me that she was having an overwhelming day, and mentioned that she wanted either candy or chicken strips. I asked her if she wanted a beer, as all good friends do, and she said only if it was on the side of one of the aforementioned foodstuffs. I said we could make that happen.

**Sidenote: My only redeeming factor in this story is that I DID jump-rope for 20 minutes before we went to the bar. So there, Yesica. You can only be a LITTLE disappointed me, rather than a WHOLE CRAP-TON of disappointed.

So then we sit down at the new bar we were trying out, and the menu does consist of a healthy food option that I really SHOULD have taken (Vegan Rice Bowl), but this bar reminded me strongly of my grandmothers house; it had wooden paneling, fake plants, twinkling lights that had white pine cones over the bulbs, and shag carpet (probably). I felt as though my grandmother had built a bar in her living room, and stuck in a pool table there for us too. It was pretty cozy, but my grandmother would NEVER serve us a "Vegan Rice Bowl" in our LIVES. My grandmother is the wife of a DAIRY farmer. I don't even know if she could even SAY the word "vegan" without a drip of disdain in her voice. I didn't even consider ordering it because it just didn't seem appropriate.

My eyes skipped down the menu to a "Reuben Sandwich," which I knew would be the winner here. When the waitress came over and I gave her my order, she responded with, "Great! Just to let you know, it's made with pastrami, and also would you like it on a pub roll or a cheese jalapeno role?"

Oh dear God, cheese and jalapeno? That is a TERRIBLE IDEA! My healthy side yelled at me. There is NO WAY IN HELL you are going to order that!

But you already broke your healthy code and ordered a sandwich in the first place, might as well just go for it! My lard-loving side whispers encouragingly into my ear. I've got to say, she has a point.

"Cheese and jalapeno!" I said, feeling a bit rebellious. And wow, what a fantastic sandwich it was. Full of spicy jalapenos with crusty cheese on the outside and melty cheese on the inside with the pastrami with all the makings of a perfect Reuben sandwich. It was glorious during the 10 minutes I was eating it, but the ending of this story is predictable. I should have stuck with my rule, because though those 10 minutes were a great time, afterwards I felt like crap and could swear the fat was already conspiring it's assault towards my ass at that very moment. But I knew what I was getting myself into, and decided to just ignore it. It was in the past! Tomorrow I will work out. And not drink. And also there's the fact that my grandma would have shook her head in disappointment if I would have eaten the vegan thing. We don't want to go upsetting my family.

So there's that. But at least I'm not my roommates. Today, I did great! I ate a salad I packed myself for lunch, and I worked out when I got home from work. After I worked out I was friggin starving, so after about two seconds of deliberation I decided to make myself a breakfast burrito (no surprise there, but I was lazy). As I was grilling my burrito, as you should ALWAYS eat it, Kyle came into the kitchen which was already crowded with Peter (who was making toast with butter) and I (still grilling).

"What should I have for dinner? I might just go to Subway." Kyle states, eyeing our meals.
"I don't know, what food do you have?" I ask.
"Tortillas, cheese, and that's pretty much it. I'm out of frozen pizzas. My eating habits have really gone downhill since 'the separation.'" This was the event in which Claire and I decided we would separate our grocery bills from the boys because, to put it lightly, the distribution of food seemed to be uneven (AKA boys eat SO MUCH DAMN FOOD).
"I know," Peter comments, "I didn't buy anything healthy for like a month after 'the separation.'"
"Oh! I just thought of something awesome!" Kyle exclaims, heading for the cupboard. Peter and I watch him suspiciously as Kyle grabs a protein bar, then opens the fridge and grabs a tortilla.
"What the HELL are you doing?" I ask. That. Looks. DISGUSTING.
"That's awesome!" Peter yells as Kyle puts the protein bar on the tortilla and sticks it in the microwave. I shake my head in disgust. Who are boys? I will never get them.
When the microwave dings, Kyle opens it and folds his tortilla around the protein bar, and without hesitation takes a huge bite. Peter and I wait for the verdict, though honestly I can't trust anyone's taste-buds who think THAT is a good dinner plan.
"It tastes kind of like Nutella on a tortilla! Its pretty good!" Kyle happily chows down his chocolate protein burrito. Gross. When he is finished he says, "Dang, I'm still hungry. I need to buy more frozen pizzas so I can make a calzone."
"You mean cooking the pizza then folding it in half?" I ask.
"Yep."
Good God.