What the hell, the pain in my hands woke me up AGAIN. Well now that I'm up, I better think of something productive to do, because time is wasted if you're not being productive. I could roof the barn, or I could feed the horses, or I could re-route the creek to go around that tree, where can I get a good bulldozer? Well it's Friday so what's on my schedule today... June 14... Something happens on June 14... JUNE 14! It's Ashley's birthday! My first-born child! Oh man, and it's 5:30 in the morning, there is no way I will remember to call her later in the day, it's a surprise I even remembered right now! ... I should just text her now, before I forget. 5:30 in the morning? Oh well, she can handle it, at least I remembered her birthday!
Or something like that.
I did end up talking to him later in the day, but only because my step-mom Laurie called and they were all in the car together. But you know what, my dad is awesome, so it's all good.
But after that 5:30 am text that woke me up, I put my phone on silent. No one else better wake me up on my day to sleep in! At 8:30 when I did finally get up, sure enough there was a few calls and a few texts, and one voicemail from my sister: "... Haaaaaappy Flag Day!" She began, then proceeded to giggle and backtrack and ramble on about Flag Days and birthdays, I was laughing hysterically though, and gave her a call back.
"Hello? Hi Ash!"
"Hey Britt! Thanks for the Happy Flag Day!"
"I know, I though it was so funny but I totally messed it up, I just kept rambling on and I was thinking, 'STOP TALKING! YOU ARE RUINING YOUR OWN JOKE!' But I kept talking and couldn't stop myself."
"That's okay, it was still funny."
"Oh good. I'm so excited to give you this present."
"What is it?"
"I can't tell you!"
"Is it a beanie baby? Or a large pencil?"
"HA! No! I wish! Those things were awesome! You know, like in Zoolander 'What is this, a school for ants?' But instead, 'What is this, a pencil for a giant?' Ha ha ha!"
We proceed to giggle for about 30 whole seconds.
"Hey are you going to drink a mimosa for your birthday?"
"No, I am going wine tasting today and I don't want to be passed out by 6:00, my face on the table."
"Ha ha, you would be face-in-food tired. I'm going to start using that! I'm face-in-food tired!"
Giggling for about 20 more seconds.
"Ash, I have decided I want to meet someone."
"Okay! You should start taking classes, you know, you live in Bend so there are a ton of classes and stuff for outdoor activities, like kayaking or rock climbing..."
"Yeah I was thinking about doing that!"
"You should! It would be a great way to meet new people who are similar to you."
"But it costs money."
"So? We are young and agile and we have money and we want to meet new people so we should just do it! You know, I'm taking a sailing class. And I plan on meeting a sailor and falling in love and getting married and being swept off into the sunset on our yacht that we will sail around the world together."
"You mean, on your sailboat?"
"No, I mean on our yacht. Did I say sailing classes? I meant yachting classes. They teach you how to work out a lot so that you have a hot body to show off when you are sitting on your yacht, also they teach you how to drink a martini correctly and how to choose the best sunglasses and put on sunscreen sexily."
"Oh that sounds like a good class!"
"I'm looking forward to it."
And so on.
At 11:00 I met up with Julie and we drove over to Hood River, which is a town about an hour from Portland. This town is CUTE. It is right on the Columbia River so on this beautiful day we could watch people wind surfing and kite surfing right from where we ate lunch. And the best thing about this town (besides all the wine) is the fact that it looks like it would be in the Willamette Valley in regards to how green it is, but it gets much less rain than the Valley. The best of both worlds!
Julie and I started at Naked Winery, where we had a flight of wine each. The wines had names like "Penetration Cabernet Sauvignon" and "Foreplay Chardonnay," which kept the sexual innuendos rolling all afternoon. The people pouring the wine didn't seem to get tired of them though, which made us think that perhaps they employed recovering sex addicts. We then spent the day driving around in the beautiful weather to several more wineries and vineyards in the area. Hood River is truly a gorgeous place. We had a wonderful time sitting in the sun, sipping on some Italian red, and sending pictures of what we were doing to people who weren't with us to make them jealous.
At one point, out of nowhere, Julie states, "I knew I was an alcoholic when I was in 2nd grade and was more excited about drinking the blood of Christ than actually creating a relationship with God."
I stared at her for a second. "Are you quoting something or is that your real life?"
She stares back at me. "What? No, I'm not quoting anything."
"So you really just said that?"
"Yeah!"
My friends rule. So around 5:00 we made our way to I-84 and started heading back towards Portland. The plan was to meet up with my roommates Claire, Kyle and Peter at McMennamins - Edgefield for dinner. I had never been to Edgefield before, but it had been described to me as a kind of adult Disneyland. After going, however, I would change that description to an adult Enchanted Forest. But instead of finding fairy tale creatures in those little random houses interspersed in the woods, at Edgefield you find magical sorcerers called Bartenders and their magic potion, Alcohol. There was a little hobbit house with a bar squished in it. There were some stables that had been converted into a bar. The basement of the hotel was a winery and a random storage area on the side of the hotel was a bar. Bars were everywhere! I felt like Hansel and Gretel, wandering around with Julie in the woods, suddenly discovering magical houses made of our vice and deciding to consume them. There was a restaurant and a garden and even a place for concerts to take place, which really fulfills any dreams I have of fairy tale kingdoms. Edgefield has magic in its veins. Some places are special like that.
We spent the evening exploring this enchanted place. It was a wonderful birthday experience, but my real party wasn't until the next day. 90's night at the Crystal Ballroom (it was a McMennamins weekend!). I had never been to 90's night before, or the Crystal Ballroom for that matter, but I had high hopes for it. Who wouldn't have fun getting tipsy and dancing to Backstreet Boys, N'Sync, The Spice Girls, and other washed-up 90's bands for several hours? The best part, however, was how enthusiastically my friends embraced this night and put an effort into their outfits. I could describe them to you, but I think it may be better just to show you a picture:
This is just me, my sisters, and my roommates. Even more people showed up later and they were just as enthusiastically dressed! So pretty soon after this photo we hopped on a bus downtown, walked about 8 blocks and showed up at 90's night. As soon as we entered, they gave us all three glow sticks: one to put around our necks and two for our wrists. It was fantastic! We went immediately to the bar and I said, "Give me the cheapest beer you have" I had lost my buzz on the bus ride and needed to get back up to dancing-in-public tipsy, which really doesn't take much for me. So the guy gives me a Pabst for $4.50! Most expensive Pabst I have EVER purchased.
So then after I finish the extortion that was my beer, we started dancing! Some of the songs we didn't recognize at first, but the later the night became, the better the songs were. This may sound weird to some people, but at one point my boss, our other attorney friend, and my co-worker all showed up too! I was so stoked! I truly enjoy spending time with these people, even outside of work. So we danced and danced and DANCED. As soon as I thought I was too tired to go on, the next song would come on and it would be so good that there was no way I could leave. We were all so sweaty and hot but we could NOT stop dancing or laughing. Additionally, my youngest sister Cassy just turned 21 so this was the first time that all three of us were able to go out together, which made this night even more awesome.
At one point, while I am grooving around with my bestie Claire, a guy taps me on the shoulder. "You guys seem to be the life of the party!" He yells over the music. I look around at my friends; Brittany has on only her overalls and a sports bra and is gyrating behind Cassy, who has her hands up in the air and whipping her hair around; Kyle is doing an exuberant running man move, Peter is fist pumping while jumping up and down, Claire is moving her hips as much as humanly possible without knocking herself over, and everyone else is pretty much being just as crazy. I am so proud.
"Yeah! We really are!" I yell back.
"Do you want to dance with me?!" He yells at me.
"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" I say, staring at him, not able to think of an answer, "hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" He stares back at me, "hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" why can't I answer him?! Stop saying that!
"...I'll just come back later." He says, looking pretty weirded out, then turns and walks away. I immediately forgot this as soon as it happened and turned back around to dance with my friends, but later I realized that this would be the perfect way to get rid of unwanted male attention, as long as you don't mind looking like a complete idiot.
By 12:30 we are completely exhausted and most of us are just a little tipsy, not even drunk, which I think is the perfect way to end the night. We decide to get a cab and go home. The guy who picks us up says he only has room for five people and gallantly, the four men let us girls grab the first cab. As we drive around the block to get on I-405, we wave to the guys as we drive by, and the cab driver asks, "Do they need a ride too? They can just squeeze in the back of my van." Us girls get pretty excited, and as soon as the cab stops I jump out and wave down the boys, who come running and jump in the back. They barely fit but we got 10 people in that little vehicle that only had one back seat and then some trunk space. We were in a freaking clown car.
So, 90's night was more than a success, and I think it's safe to say it's the best birthday I've ever had. There is really nothing better than mixing a little alcohol, a lot of 90's music, glow sticks, ridiculous outfits and my amazing sisters and friends into one flyyyy night.
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