This is war!

"We can't let Kyle win again."
"He hasn't won yet. The day is not over."
"Yeah but that was a pretty good picture, how can we beat that?" I ask Claire.
"We will have to think of something good... Peter, what is his favorite anime show?"

Claire, Peter, and I are sitting on our couch drinking wine (Peter is drinking coke and vodka) and watching How I Met Your Mother, as we normally do after work to relax. Kyle is on a "business trip" in Seattle, but from what I gather, it seems to be more of a vacation... what business trips involve Go-Karting and yummy sushi dinners?! Either way, earlier that day I had sent a photo to all three of them; there is a Buddha statue in my office and I had put my sunglasses on it and rolled a post-it note and held it up to his mouth, with the caption, "Buddha is ready for summer."

 

I got an "Lol" from Peter and an "Are you going to kiss that Buddha too?" (another story) from Claire. But Kyle sent us all the text, "Get back to work... see like me" with a photo of him staring up at a blue sky with white boats floating on the water in the background. Shit.

This was not the first time Kyle had sent an instant winner to the group. During our first official roomie dinner after we had moved in, Kyle was still in Hawaii. The text was, "First roomie dinner and you're not here! We love our house!!! Also, fries" with a picture of Claire and Peter smiling, but flipping him off. He sent a photo back of him giving us the middle finger as well, but in the background was a white-sand beach with palm trees and the ocean waves. There was no argument. Win.

Claire and I had won once also; after a long photo battle, we stunned him with a photo of Claire's hedgehog, Penelope, in a red solo cup with the caption, "My drink is spiked!" He knew defeat when he saw it. "Too good." He replied. Claire and I high-fived at our victory.

But today, we were not going to let him win so easily. Peter thinks about our question and decides on an anime show, which we pull up and pause at a particularly cool scene. Then, Claire and I go stand on either side of the TV. We hold peace signs up to our faces with one hand, and in the others, I have an (empty) bottle of vodka and Claire holds Penelope. We think this is pretty good. Send.

We are anxious to see what Kyle sends back, but while we are waiting we continue to watch our show. After about 15 minutes, Peter's phone beeps and we whip our heads around to stare at him.

"Oh no he didn't!!" Peter exclaims, and shows us the photo. It is a picture of Kyle with a beer, sitting next to a pool, with his computer. "He's gaming!" Peter explains to us.

"Damn!" Claire says.
"THIS IS WAR!" I say. "Claire! We are going to go upstairs and put on our booby-est shirts. Then we are going to go get pina coladas or another kind of fruity drink and send Kyle a picture!"
"Yes!" She yells, and we rush upstairs to prep ourselves. Never mind that it's 9:30 at night. This is serious business.

Luckily, earlier that day I had been browsing youtube and stumbled upon Jenna Marbles's video log. This girl is hilarious, I had seen some of her videos before, but today I found a tutorial on how to make your boobs look bigger. I am thrilled that I can put this information to use so soon after watching the video. In case you are wondering, her steps to making your boobs look bigger are:

1. Wear two bras
2. Safety pin the straps together right behind your neck
3. Put a sock under the bottom/outside part of your boobs to push them up.
4. Bronze your boobs.
5. Work out your upper body.

I do steps 1 and 3, and it really works! I am pretty proud of the results and have never seen them more alive. Then I put on a low-cut shirt. "Claire! I have steps to make your boobs seem bigger!" I yell to her across the hall.

"I don't need steps, they are good enough as they are." Claire says. It's true. Claire doesn't really need extra help to make hers look awesome.

So we grab our purses and go downstairs, where Peter is waiting. "Whoa! Lookin good!" he says. Muahahaha. I smell victory.

We walk from our house to our normal bar and sit down at a booth. The bartender comes over and asks us what we would like to drink. "Give us the fruitiest, girliest looking drinks you have." I say. "We are at war." Claire and Peter nod in agreement. The bartender looks confused only for a second, but then turns away towards the bar.

"Oh! And some fries!" Peter yells. Claire and I nod in agreement. The bartender is on it.

While we wait for our drinks, we admire our boobs some more and strategize. "Should we send a picture now of just the boobs? Or wait until we have the drinks?" Peter asks. He seems to be enjoying this.
"Maybe boobs first, and then after he responds, we add the drinks?" Claire suggests.
"No, I think we just go for it. Boobs and drinks, all at once. We want to WIN." I say.
They agree.

The drinks arrive, and we get excited about how girly they look. Bright green, with a garnish of lemon and a bright red maraschino cherry on top. I wish we had a little umbrella, but oh well. This will have to do.

Claire and I grasp our drinks in one hand, and use our arms to push our boobs together to make them have the maximum cleavage possible. Then we look at Peter, who is sitting on the other side of the table and has his phone already out. We smile, but then I think of something.

"Wait!" I say, and Peter lowers his phone a bit. "We should look at each other like maybe we are about to kiss." I say. Claire turns her head to look at me and we burst out laughing. We pull ourselves together and tell Peter to hurry, before we start giggling again.

He takes the photo, says, "Niiiiiiiice!" and then shows it to us. It really is perfect. How could anything Kyle send us beat that? Our boobs are boob-a-licious, and the drinks are so girly that Kyle will wish he had one. Peter sends it. "If that doesn't work, we will just have to go to Taco Bell and take a picture there." Peter adds. It's true, that would be our last line of defense; Kyle is truly in love with Taco Bell. But I don't see how he could top that picture.

We go home, laughing at ourselves and pretty sure of our victory. Kyle hasn't responded yet, and since it's now 10:30 and we have to work tomorrow, we head to bed. Claire and I are in our rooms when we hear Peter yell, "KYLE RESPONDED!" Peter comes up the stairs and Claire and I rush out of our rooms, excited to see his response.

It is simply a one-lined text message: Those are some juicy looking... drinks?

"I'm taking that as a victory!" Claire says. We all cheer and high-five yet again and congratulate ourselves on a job well done. The effort we put in to this war was obviously worth it. Win!